Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
Do you find it difficult to assert yourself as you fear that you will be misunderstood or rejected? Do you fear conflict and do whatever you can to avoid having to address issues? Do you believe that “your voice” will not have any influence so why bother to speak? Do you have difficulties setting boundaries and limits in relationships as you fear how others will react?
Pandemic has been so stressful for so many of us and for others it has been traumatic. You may already have had a history of trauma as a child or adult and this difficult stressful time has been a “reinjury” ” Now that there is more movement forward in this pandemic situation you may have become even more aware of how this has effected you both inside and out as well as you may be longing to begin another level of moving forward with HOPE and to gain understanding of how your history of trauma has effected you and that you need to take time to HEAL but are not sure how to go about that.
ARE YOU CONTINUALLY EXPECTING THE WORST OUTCOME AND CATASTROPHIZING AS YOU APPROACH SITUATIONS? WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?H OW YOU VIEW YOURSELF? IS THE GLUE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS THAT YOU BOTH MARINATE IN COMPLAINTS AND WORRIES ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND LACK INNER PEACE AND BELIEVE YOU ARE A VICTIM WITH LITTLE HOPE OR BELIEF OF CHANGE? ARE YOU FEELING EXHAUSTED AND DEPLETED PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY AS DEPRESSION TAKES HOLD OF YOU?
THIS CERTAINLY HAS BEEN A CHALLENGING TIME FOR EVERYONE AS THE PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED SO MANY THINGS AROUND. FRIENDSHIPS ARE NOW MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER BUT IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT THEY ARE ‘HEALTHY AND NOT TOXIC’’. YOU MAY HAVE COUNTED ON PEOLPLE TO BE THERE FOR YOU WHO NEVER ‘SHOWED UP’ AS THE FRIEND YOU HAD THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE..SOUNDS LIKE A G0OD TIME TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS!
When you are a daughter :a precious little girl who has been abused by your father who was the one who was suppose to protect you and love you and reflect that you are valuable then the traumatic effects of this deep betrayal can take on a life of its own.. If you have been sexually, physically, or emotionally abused by a toxic father then this “trauma” has greatly wounded your mind/body and spirit as you have very likely internalized and minimized what has happened as you have been overcome with shame and blaming yourself,. You also very likely have had to adjust in order “to survive” and are continuing to “adjust” and as a result have not been able to move on to “healing”. But now you are beginning to know it is time to address what happened to you so that the effects of your “trauma” no longer have to run or “ruin your life”!
Have you noticed that in your attempt to protect yourself from pain (caused by others)that now you feel even more “shutdown” and “frozen”? You have created your own prison and closed the door to your heart. The wall that you created to “protect Have you noticed that in your attempt to protect yourself from pain (caused by others)that now you feel even more “shutdown” and “frozen”? You have created your own prison and closed the door to your heart. The wall that you created to “protect you” is now hurting you as you are now closed off from “giving and receiving love”? you” is now hurting you as you are now closed off from “giving and receiving love”?
There have been so many loses on so many different levels during this pandemic that so many are walking around with a broken heart. You may be trying to cope the best way you can and are depressed and broken hearted. You may be dealing with a recent loss(caused by tragedy, illness or a breakup) or maybe you have never addressed losses and past deep disappointments and now during this season everything is coming more to the surface..
Do you feel like you are just pedaling in place and not moving forward?
Has making decisions and following through become extremely difficult for you?
Do you keep delaying and putting off what you know you need to address?
Do you “beat yourself up” and “ruminate” and feel “stuck” in this pattern?
Are you neglecting yourself inside and out as everything feels like a chore?
Being able to “value yourself” is so essential as how you feel about yourself will effect your relationships and every area of your life. You may have grown up in a home where positive words, and encouragement, affection, were rarely or never part of your life and now you struggle with having a loving and healthy connection with yourself and others
As a trauma survivor it is so important to begin to feel safe in your body as when you experience trauma: which is anything so overwhelming that at the moment it is too frightening to process then the nervous system is holding the memories and feelings you could not process.. In an effort to protect yourself from feeling you may be in a shutdown or “frozen” state which makes it difficult for you to heal and become fully alive and safe in your body.
