Relationship Therapy

Healing Your Relationship From The Inside-Out

Every place you are not healed is going with you into your relationship and relationships are triggers….getting comfortable where you have been uncomfortable and uncomfortable where you have been comfortable is part of your healing journey. Change can happen without growth but growth can only happen with change.

Are you in a new relationship and experiencing many familiar relationship issues and fearful of another painful breakup? Or are you in a relationship for many years and you’re not as intimate or emotionally connected to your spouse or partner as you’d like? Whether your relationship issues unfolded recently or have been causing problems for years, (gone unaddressed in a fruitful way) you are both very likely experiencing the painful effects of this attachment wound pattern. and at times feeling frustrated, anxious , discouraged, sad and angry….and feel just “stuck” and are seeing and feeling the signs that it is time to get help!!

Do you feel powerless to improve things between you and your partner? You may wonder if you’re giving too much or not enough or you may feel that you are not receiving what you need or you may be having a struggle in receiving and processing “good” feelings. . Even if you feel that the issues in your relationship need attention, you may be reluctant to “rock the boat” as you are not accustomed to addressing conflicts and issues in an emotionally attuned connected way and as a result developed a pattern of minimizing and avoiding your painful feelings.(until you explode or become passive/aggressive or try to distract and soothe yourself with addictions: sex, porn, alcohol, drugs, food, work)

Do you feel tha your partner does not understand what truly matters to you or who you are? If so, you may feel resentful about not being “seen, heard, or felt”(and this may be a familiar experience for you) as unhealed wounds of your past are being triggered and you are reinjured.. Relationship therapy that focuses on healing from the inside-out will help you to develop a deeper level of understanding of yourself and of each other Your relationship can begin to shift over time to have a foundation built on what it means to truly “love”. within a bubble of “safety” and “secure attachment” .. .Only then can you begin to cultivate a deeper bond that plants and waters seeds of love and healing that come from within and is reflected in how you prioritize the quality of your relationship with great care as well as wisdom and heart.,

Relationships Where We Feel Safe And Connected Are Relationships That Heal

All relationships will have “ruptures” at times. Ruptures are “disruptions” The problem is not so much about the “rupture” but the real problem is when the “rupture” is not repaired. When we learn to address “ruptures” and “repair” ruptures rather than deny and avoid the ruptures then our connection with each other becomes more bonded and secure as our relationship “terrain” is a “safe” one.

If you or your partner, or both of you have a history of trauma(abuse, neglect, abandonment) those deep and unhealed wounds will be reflected in your relationships. Growing up in a family where your boundaries were not respected, healthy communication did not take place, and affection was absent minimal and that dysfunctional family system was a setup and fuel for having : trust and intimacy: issues You may not have received nurturance, emotional attunement, or encouragement when you were growing up and now have difficulty giving and receiving in a connected present way.. If you have grown up in a family where addiction created a chaotic unsafe space where you felt completely alone then this history of relational trauma has led to deep attachment wounds and issues .. .

You may be in a codependent relationship where one partner “overfunctions,” controls, or makes demands while the other takes a backseat and “underfunctions” Conflict is avoided instead of being addressed, and the relationship gets stuck in a holding pattern of fear and anxiety, anger, people pleasing, enabling that stifles growth and change. No matter which role you’ve each taken: this pattern would need to be healed from the inside out so that two healthy adults can develop real intimacy .

You may think you’re already doing everything you can to improve your situation. But until you each do the important inner work you can never fully understand your relationship struggles. Relationship therapy can help you to recognize and address “ruptures” and to “repair” ruptures so that connection and intimacy and “safeness” become foundational in your relationship. . By working with an highly experienced caring and skilled NYC relationship therapist, you can become more self-aware, vulnerable, as well as accountable to yourself and to each other so that a strong bond of safety and trust is formed.. 

Relationship Therapy Can Provide Self-Awareness And Healing

Relationship therapy can help you both recognize unhealed wounds and how they effect your relationships. We’ll start by talking about what issues have been coming up between you and your spouse or partner that you need help with as well as what is going “right” in your relationship... As I see, hear and listen and feel how you relate to each other I can help you both recognize,as well as understand the “roots” of relationship patterns and communication that have become stumbling blocks so you both can experience a loving and healthy fully alive relationship where you both feel safe .

Through therapy, you can each learn how to replace unhealthy ,untrue beliefs with healthier ones. If you often think to yourself, “I am not enough”” or “I am always going to feel like this”, we’ll explore and identify the roots of the lies you have told yourself and believed to be true. This can help you each to become more aware of “triggers” that induce fear, guilt, shame. anger and self-esteem issues. These “triggers” can contribute to feelings of helplessness and powerlessness frustration and anger.. as well as avoidance and denial of conflicts. In time, you both can become more able to identify your own ”triggers” as well as your partners and become more self aware as well as more attuned to each other and more connected rather than disconnected.Healing can only take place when we are calm.

I will also help you to set healthy boundaries and limits that will protect each of you from feeling and being intruded upon by each other. At first, setting boundaries may seem to be difficult especially if you’re used to people-pleasing and apologizing all the time and abdicated to being intruded on. However, what feels familiar isn’t necessarily good or healthy for you. I will help you to explore and identify which areas in your relationship are non-negotiable—a line in the sand. As you learn to set limits around what you define as acceptable or not acceptable in your relationship you will each be less likely to experience toxicity or emotional reinjury. Boundaries are there to protect us and they are essential in a healthy relationship.

The experience of being seen, heard, and felt is essential for healing. . Yes, relationships are “triggers” and your relationship provides an amazing opportunity for growth and change. Change can happen without growth but growth cannot happen without change!

When starting relationship therapy, you may not have the words to communicate (or the ability to understand) how you feel. and In time, you can both become able to experience your emotions and the sensations you feel in your body.

As you consider relationship therapy, you may think. . . 

I’m not sure my relationship problems have anything to do with my past.

You may have begun your relationship with little understanding that we live from the inside out and not the other way around . With relationship therapy, you can begin to experience healing from the inside-out. During this amazing healing process you can be transformed from the inside out and be able show up in relationships in a healthy, emotionally available, and connected way. .

I don’t like the idea of setting boundaries because I don’t want to “rock the boat.”

It is so essential to learn to set limits and boundaries in our relationships. Otherwise, the conflicts we avoid will run our lives. Over the years, I’ve seen many clients begin to learn how to communicate effectively, set boundaries and limits, and assert themselves. One of my clients was initially so afraid of conflict that she let her partner control everything about her life. Through therapy, she learned to assert herself and see what an influence she actually has. Even if your partner is initially resistant to your new boundaries, you’ll be growing in ways that will help your relationships in the long run.

I’m not sure if I should keep working on my relationship or move on.

It can be hard to tell where relationship problems are coming from. In some areas, you may be unconsciously projecting your own issues onto your partner. Other times, you may minimize your partner’s shortcomings. When you start to look inside, you’ll be more able to see and understand what the dynamics of your relationship are actually about on a deeper emotional level. As you set healthier boundaries for yourself, your relationship’s potential (or lack thereof) will be more apparent. Whatever decision you come to regarding your current partner, you’ll be able to make it with greater confidence and clarity.

Take Responsibility For Your Own Happiness

Counting on other people to make you happy and whole is like believing that crumbs make a cake. You can set a higher bar for yourself and your relationships when you learn how to honor and value yourself, and your relationship choices will reflect this.

By visiting my website, you’ve taken the first step toward hope, healing, change, and growth. Please call me so you can begin this amazing healing process!. I look forward to hearing from you!

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