RED FLAGS OF LACK OF EMPATHY
Narcissists lack empathy.So this is a red flag for you to notice and to not ignore. Narcissists are unable to process and feel what they truly feel or what others are feeling. So if you are in a relationship with a narcissist then you may feel like your reality does not exist for them as their focus is on themselves. Narcissists have an inability to feel or understand what is going on with you. What is essential for you to understand is that if you were raised by narcissistic parents or parent, then you were “groomed” in a sense to have little expectation or hope that you could have your own emotional reality and feel understood. Disconnected relationships have become so familiar to you and have become normalized. What is clear is that if you choose narcissistic partners then you are consistently being “reinjured”. (See:”How To Stop Being a Doormat”) As you begin to become more conscious of this pattern and seek therapy for yourself: you can begin to heal the wounds of the past. We cannot heal the wounds of the past in the past but only in the present, So as you stretch and change and are transformed from the inside out you will no longer attract or be attracted to people who are unable to truly “show up” as you will become a person who is now able to truly “show up” for yourself and in relationships.( See:” How To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse”)
HOW LACK OF EMPATHY AND DISCONNECTION HURT
. (When Your Emotional Reality Is Not Nurtured or Acknowledged)
Over time this becomes more and more painful as it is a “reinjury” from your childhood trauma.It becomes more difficult for you to have and to share your own thoughts, and feelings, your own voice without judging and condemning yourself or internalizing your anger. You are not “safe” to be the “you” who “you” were meant to be. You may become depressed and/or addicted in a relationship where there is” trauma bonding” as the glue rather than connection, safety, truth, and growth. (See:”How Childhood Trauma Effects Adult Relationships”)
HOW LACK OF EMPATHY FUELS “AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT” STYLE
We all need to have “secure attachment” especially when we are little and helpless but many of us have not experienced that as children when were most vulnerable and completely dependent. Many of us were abused, neglected and shamed for our “beingness” and related to as “human doings”. This fuels disconnection from self and others as empathy is “caught” not “taught”.If the message you received as a child was that you were not safe to be “you” then that little insecure child part of you needs healing or the scenario gets repeated as an adult. (See: Signs You Are Neglecting You)We learn to ‘avoid’ as a result of experiencing that relationships “hurt” and not being able to feel “safe” with others as relationships have become a source of pain instead of nurturance and safety. Lack of empathy fuels disconnection and the disconnection from self and others fuels “avoidant” rather than “secure” attachment.(See:”How To Heal Avoidant Attachment”)
THE HEALING POWER OF SELF-COMPASSION
NYC Well the good news is it is not too late to develop ‘self- compassion” and to have a working internal radar to run from those who are narcissistic, self-focused, and lack “self-awareness and accountability and vulnerability”. Yes it is a process as healing is a process and remember you are a “work in progress” and you can learn to “reparent” yourself (See: Benefits Of Reparenting Yourself) and become a loving friend to yourself who values who you are from the inside-out!
THE “RIGHT NYC RELATIONAL TRAUMA THERAPIST IS ESSENTIAL FOR YOUR HEALING
If what I am saying resonates with you I would love to walk alongside of you and guide you on this amazing transformative journey, give me a call so we can begin!
