DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY AND TRAUMA OFTEN AT THE ROOT OF AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT
Please keep in mind that “avoidance” was a way to survive and cope when you did not feel safe. As a child, you are completely dependent and vulnerable on your caregivers. and when your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs are neglected and ignored at this critical time it is a traumatic wounding of your soul. It is is a terrifying experience as it is like ‘you do not exist” and ‘are not worth loving” As a effect of this early trauma you have difficulties trusting others and trusting your own perceptions of what you feel and think and see. See: ”How Childhoood Trauma Effects Adult Relationships”
Depression and anxiety are frequent symptoms of childhood trauma that also are part of “avoidant attachment style”. The following are steps you can begin to take in the healing process as you move forward so that “avoidant attachment” no longer runs your relationship style and you can become connected rather than disconnected from yourself and others from the inside out! See: “How To Stop Avoiding Your Pain”
SIGNS OF AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
Before you can start to heal it is essential you become aware and conscious that you are struggling with an “avoidant attachment style” The following signs can help you to see
Difficulties putting your thoughts and feelings into words
Feeling uncomfortable with touch ad physical affection
Feeling uncomfortable with direct eye contact
Lack of trust
Lack of empathy
Uncomfortable with intimacy
Lack of emotional closeness in relationships
Fear and avoidance of conflict
Difficulties regulating emotions…low frustration tolerance
Shame about having needs
Somatic focus
See: ” 3 Toxic Effects Of Avoiding Conflict”
UNDERSTANDING WHAT CAUSED YOUR “AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE” IS PART OF YOUR HEALING
When your needs have been dismissed or ignored by parents or caregivers repeatedly and there was a lack of encouragement and shaming rather than communication and nurturance then you were set up as a child to internalize avoiding yourself and others …as you did not have a “safe” place to be “you”. The following can cause avoidant attachment style to take root and flourish when parents or caregivers are unable to provide a “secure attachment where a child can grow and thrive rather than go into “shutdown”.
lack of response to your cry as a baby or child..often a cry may not be audible but an empathic parent can hear it in the spirit and respond
Emotions and needs were discouraged and shamed rather than communicated and modeled and nurtured
Avoiding touch and affection
Lack of words expressing love and hope
Quality time and attention were rarely if ever experienced
Lack of empathy and narcissism
Tolerated rather than celebrated
Lack patience
Critical spirit
If the above are familiar to you and what you experienced in your family as a child then you very likely have internalized these traumatic wounds. An important first step in your healing is to know that though you were greatly wounded you do not have to live in the past and can heal in the present.. Learning to be able to give yourself the attention and compassion and love that you did not receive as a child is an important step in your healing…you do not have to continue having an “avoidant attachment style’ once you learn how not to avoid what really matters.
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST IS ESSENTIAL IN YOUR HEALING OF “AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT”
Therapy can make all the difference in your healing process and overflow to your having” alive and connected” relationships. it is in a therapeutic relationship with the”right” therapist who is an expert on trauma and attachment styles that the chains of fear and shame will be broken a you become finally set free from the past. please give me a call so you can begin this amazing journey of healing from the inside out asap!
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