We all experience conflicts in our lives: some are internal as there can be a battle or confusion in your mind about conflicting thoughts, feelings, choices, perceptions, and experiences to process. You may avoid what is going on inside of you and in the process become more and more disconnected from yourself. You may also struggle with addressing conflict in relationships as an effect of being disconnected from yourself. So important to remember that we live from the inside out not the outside in!
RESENTMENT
Resentment is like eating a toxic substance and yet denying it is harming you. Resentment gets held in our bodies and our immune system, our mind, and spirit and it is toxic. Resentment fuels depression.as depression is anger turned inward. You may be feeling extremely resentful and have “stuffed” your emotions rather than address both the “internal” and “external” conflict. When we are resentful and do not address our resentment but stuff it then we continue to believe the lie that we are helpless and powerless as when we were children.
2 .DEPRESSION
Depression is fueled by fear of one’s own anger and unhealed wounds of the past.. When we continually “stuff: our angry feeling and avoid our emotional reality the brain gets the message that avoidance is working and the pattern of avoidance becomes stronger..However, once we make even the smallest inroad to no longer “stuff and avoid” but learn how to address conflict in a connected calm assertive way :then the brain can develop a new pattern where “avoidance” no longer reigns and where you can”show up” and be “you” whether alone or with others.
3. CODEPENDENCY
When you avoid conflict and fear having “your own voice” will “rock the boat” as you have become a “people pleaser” then you may also be struggling with another toxic effect of avoiding conflict:which is codependency. In codependent relationships, healthy boundaries are not present(are actually discouraged) and there is often a fear of conflict and fear of abandonment . In codependent relationships there is a unwritten rule that the “truth” is not spoken and in order to maintain this relationship you would not be able to show up as “you” but only “blend” with the approval of the other. Codependency is an addiction just like drugs,alcohol and the effects of avoiding “you” and focusing on the relationship are toxic .
THERAPY WITH THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN BREAK THE CHAINS OF AVOIDING CONFLICT
Therapy with the “right” therapist is life affirming and will help you to see the blind spots you have been avoiding and will help you to have the courage to address your woundedness so you can begin to “heal” rather than “avoid’. I would. be honored to walk on this amazing journey by your side ! If what I am saying is something that you know you need then I look forward to hear from you.please give me a call!