As children when we are experiencing ongoing emotional/physical/sexual abuse and danger: we have no escape. We were truly at that time like “little hostages” as we were set up to go through Complex Childhood Trauma. When we are neglected emotionally and there is no one to comfort us and when we are repeatedly blamed and “shamed for our very existence” then we do the best we can to “survive” and as adults, we are walking with the internalized and externalized effects of being deeply wounded and traumatized. Since we never had emotionally healthy role models or caregivers to help us to feel and process our emotions we grew up feeling “overwhelmed’ by problems that were impossible for us to solve. We did not cause the chaos and abuse and neglect we experienced but since this was continually happening we learned to protect ourselves by “avoiding and going into “freeze or “numbing” our emotions” as it was not “safe” to feel or express our feelings . This very dysfunctional painful pattern became normalized for us. So over time we became more and more avoidant in relationships as the message we received as “little ones” was that people were not “safe” and tasks of life caused overwhelming anxiety and “fear of failure”: the roots of procrastination got stronger and we became more “stuck” as adults and more disconnected from ourselves and other but we do not have to stay that way as help is available!!..Seeking therapy is the first step to no longer allow your wounds to fester and to begin to heal! See: “ How Childhood Trauma Effects Adult Relationships”

AVOIDANT INSECURE ATTACHMENT AND PROCRASTINATION

If you are struggling with “procrastination” and shame, depression, and anxiety you must understand how this “stuckness” began when you experienced Complex Childhood Trauma and it is not your fault and was never your fault.. When we are infants our whole world depends on how our caregivers can nurture and help us to thrive so that we can then develop and internalize that we are “safe” and “loved” and “lovable”. However, when our caregivers are physically or emotionally unavailable and abusive, neglectful, addicted, dismissive, or emotionally unstable, our little body’s nervous systems become “overwhelmed with fear” and there is no “comfort” escape”. When we have never had a “secure” attachment we often develop an “avoidant insecure attachment” where parts of us long for connection and yet avoid and have difficulty receiving comfort and care or giving comfort and care as “trust” which is the foundational bond in all healthy relationships was not ever “internalized” as you were not “safe” to be able to “trust” that you could count on others to love and not to harm you…Procrastination is fueled by repeated choices to “avoid” as you struggle with making decisions and asserting yourself and fear rejection and failure and “the inner critical voice” interferes with you moving forward and trusting” yourself. And the more you “avoid” the more your brain gets the message this is working and the avoidance-procrastination pattern continues to keep you stuck and beating and shaming yourself and this pattern blocks your healing and going forward .

See: “How To Heal Avoidant Attachment”

LEARNING TO RECOGNIZE YOUR NEED FOR COMFORT AND SUPPORT

So many of the clients that I have been honored to walk along this healing journey with have never received comfort and encouragement during the critical times of development in early childhood. and came to therapy with no memories of comfort or needing comfort. This is so telling as we all need comfort and when we do not receive it eventually we shut down and it becomes normalized not to receive or give comfort.. This is one of the clear indicators of Complex Childhood Trauma and the effects of emotional neglect that go with you into adulthood and affect all areas of your life. Shame is often at the root of believing the lie that you do not need comfort and that you are not worthy of comfort..in therapy is the first time many ever were able to acknowledge and receive comfort and begin to keep their hearts open to give comfort to others. You are a “human being” not a “human doing” and your life both inside and outside matter! Your life matters and your becoming fully alive is esential to your healing and we can only heal when we are calm.

See: “How To Go From Victim To Victory”

THE “RIGHT” NYC TRAUMA THERAPIST WHO IS A COMPLEX CHILDHOOD TRAUMA SPECIALIST CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR GETTING SET FREE

If what I am saying resonates with you I look forward to being able to guide you and walk along side of you as the wounds caused by complex childhood trauma are no longer neglected as you experience what it is like to b seen, heard and felt in the present. Healing the past can only be healed in the present.This amazing transformational healing journey is about flourishing and thriving so that you can become fully alive!

Please give me a call so we can begin