SAYING GOODBYE TO BEING A DOORMAT
You may have confused what you thought was being “nice” and being a “people pleaser” with the truth that you have been a “doormat” and others have “stepped” on you and “dumped” on you. You very likely were well trained as a young child to believe that what you feel and what you think as well as your voice has no value. As an effect, you shut down emotionally and did your best to survive in a family where your physical/ mental/emotional/spiritual needs were clearly not a priority and your life was not celebrated and nurtured. When you have lived in the “land of being a doormat” then setting boundaries was a foreign concept to you. . Boundaries are there to protect you so that others have no right to intrude on you and you do not have to agree to eat and digest the toxic food symbolically prepared that harms your soul. Before you can stop being a doormat it is important for you to be aware of this and to know what fuels and blocks your freedom to come out of this “stuck” place. See: "How Childhood Trauma Effects Adult Relationships" It is essential for you to see the effects of being a doormat and understand it blesses no one. What being a doormat does is it “enables” those you are in a relationship with to think it is okay to disrespect and dishonor who you are. You may have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence and have a history of childhood trauma or complex trauma and now you are struggling in the “land of a doormat” and feeling powerless to escape and this is reflected in your relationships. The wonderful truth is that you can escape and heal and it will take patience and a gentle touch rather than shaming and blaming yourself. Healing is a process and if you are reading this then this is the beginning of your healing. In order to not be a “doormat” there are changes that will have to take place. See: ”How To Go From Victim To Victory”
STOP BELIEVING THE LIE THAT YOU ARE POWERLESS
Yes, you were powerless as a child and a little “hostage” but that is no longer true even though you still feel that way. It is so important that you do not make peace with powerlessness. One of the ways to take back your power is to understand how it is essential to learn to set boundaries and limits and to truly know that this can be a major step in your healing. As a trauma survivor, your boundaries were violated but now you can take them back and know that you no longer have to live in the bondage of others intruding into your mind, body, and spirit. See: “How To Stop People Pleasing” You are precious and there needs to be a symbolic gate around you and only you decide who and what can enter. It cannot be an open gate where anyone can do and say what they please with you anymore. See:” Stop Making Peace With Powerlessness”
2. IDENTIFY WHAT ARE YOUR NON NEGOTIABLES
It is essential you begin to identify what you are unwilling to compromise. That means your standards and your morals need to be honored first by you before you make this line in the sand in a relationship. You have compromised long enough and it has left you depleted and fueled your self-hatred and feelings of helplessness as well as anger,. We train people how to treat us by how we feel about ourselves so you can see reflected in your relationships how you truly feel about yourself. Take some time and make a list of your non-negotiables. No one has the right to dishonor you by words or actions and you need to stand strong on that. It is how you set your boundary and it is also limit setting. This is what you will need to put into action as you leave the “land of a doormat” forever…never to go live there again. See: ”Signs That You Do Not Value Yourself”
3. LEARNING HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY
So many of my clients are trauma survivors and they all have had difficulties putting their thoughts and feelings into words and lived many years stuffing their emotions or acting them out in addictions: food, drugs, alcohol, and relationships. During our work together they learned how to articulate in words and no longer have to stuff their emotions and thoughts. Being able to communicate effectively is life-affirming as you will begin to have your voice for the first time in your life as chains of “being nice” and “people pleasing” and: lack of boundaries are broken. Therapy with the “right” therapist can set you free and you no longer will have to wear a mask and you will be able to speak without apologizing!
See: “Childhood Trauma Is The Root Of Addiction”
THERAPY WITH THE ”RIGHT” NYC TRAUMA THERAPIST CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE
As a trauma survivor, it is so important that you find a therapist who is an expert in treating trauma and trauma recovery. I would be honored to guide you on this amazing healing journey!
Please give me a call so we can begin!