Being able to “value yourself” is so essential as how you feel about yourself will affect your relationships and every area of your life. You may have grown up in a home where positive words, validation and encouragement, affection, were rarely or never part of your life and now you struggle with having a loving and healthy connection with yourself and others. You may have been shamed, neglected abused(emotionally, physically, sexually) and minimized the effect that this has had on you and now are slowly starting to connect the dots of the tapestry of your life and how because you were not “valued” and nurtured by stable and loving caregivers that now you have internalized all the “shame, anger, blame” and struggle not to believe all the “lies” that were spoken or believed by others about you. You may feel deep down or maybe not deep down that you are “bad” and “unlovable” and then try to “numb out” by substance abuse, relationship or food addiction or all of the above. (see “4 Ways That Trauma Can Effect Your Attachment Style”) Remember and know the truth that you are a “diamond “ and not a piece of glass.You are not a piece of garbage but a precious soul and there is no one else like you!
DIFFICULTIES SETTING LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES
Being able to set boundaries and limits is so important and so revealing as to how you feel about yourself and how you relate and communicate with others. A boundary is your way to protect and define yourself from intrusion and invasion by others and to have the freedom to choose who you allow to come closer emotionally, physically, spiritually. Your boundaries may never have been honored and respected as a child and this same pattern may continue to bring chaos, confusion and disorder into your most intimate relationships today as well as more casual connections with others. Learning how to assert yourself and no longer “making peace with powerlessness” can begin to dismantle the feelings and thoughts that have fueled your negative beliefs about yourself and allowed those close to you to manipulate and dominate you “(“:as if you don’t exist and you may feel invisible”) .which can be a repetition of what you felt growing up in your family. This is a process and noticing your patterns and how they connect to you not “ knowing or believing that you are truly of value” is a first step. (See 3 Ways To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse and To Start To Know Your Value”)
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS CHOICES
You can’t change your past but you do have freedom as an adult to make choices in your relationships that are healing and not toxic. You can’t change who your parents are but you can choose to have healthy nurturing people in your life. YES EASIER SAID THEN DONE am sure you are saying and thinking but as you begin to recognize these familiar but TOXIC patterns you can start to slowly see how your self hatred and shame ( not knowing your true value) has played a great role in these choices that have reinjured you and caused much pain You can courageously begin to move forward not backwards as you start the healing process. (See :” 3 Steps To Take To Detox From Toxic Relationships And Get Your Life Back”)
ACCEPTING WHAT IS UNACCEPTABLE
You may be in a relationship or a history of relationships where you have compromised your standards and are now feeling sick and tired, exploited, manipulated or abused . You may have minimized and denied the effect that this relationship has had on you but now you can see how this effecting you on all levels :emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually as you are “eating relationship crumbs” .and paying the greatest price you can for these “crumbs” which is paying with “yourself”. You may be trying to “numb” your pain but wherever you go: ”there you are” in other word: ”you can run but you can’t hide anymore”. Sometimes the “fire has to get more hot before we can move and understand that putting our hand in the fire BURNS!
THERAPY WITH THE “RIGHT THERAPIST”CAN HELP YOU TO KNOW:”YOU ARE VALUABLE”
As I said before ”this is a process” and you can CHOOSE to begin to give yourself the time and attention you have needed for so long and an opportunity to learn to NURTURE AND HONOR YOURSELF AND NOT NEGLECT YOURSELF: very likely for the first time in your life by taking a step that will bless you! You can start the healing process by giving me a call as would love to be able to help you and guide you as well as encourage you to know the: ”amazing woman that you are and were meant” to be as well as walk along side of you on your journey of healing and transformation!