Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
As a trauma survivor it is so important to begin to feel safe in your body as when you experience trauma: which is anything so overwhelming that at the moment it is too frightening to process then the nervous system is holding the memories and feelings you could not process.. In an effort to protect yourself from feeling you may be in a shutdown or “frozen” state which makes it difficult for you to heal and become fully alive and safe in your body.
When a baby is born and raised in an environment where the baby is nurtured and cared for emotionally and physically by a mother who is able to give and understand the babies needs the baby develops an expectation of being cared for and internalizes the relationship with the mother/caregiver and experiences that life giving bond as a part of him/herself.
You may never have had a secure attachment as a child...which means at the critical periods where trust and security and nurturance are essential:you did not have what every baby and child desperately needs in order to feel safe and loved.Your primary caregiver may have been avoidant or ambivalent or disorganized and as a result you grew up feeling anxious or depressed and alone as well as believing the lie that you "are less than".
If you are a trauma survivor with unresolved trauma reflected by having experienced a history of abuse, neglect and abandonment then it is important to understand how this deep wounding of your mind, body and spirit has affected you and how your woundedness is going to go with you when you are in a relationship.
