Are you feeling alone and defeated, emotionally shutdown?
Do you lack compassion for yourself as you are consumed with feeling shame, blame and guilt?
Are you feeling depressed and anxious most of the time and have difficulty feeling "safe" enough to experience positive emotions?
Do you notice that you have physical symptoms (as your body is holding the memories) and your breath is shallow?
Are you having difficulties setting limits and boundaries?
Do you have difficulty putting your thoughts and feelings into words and "having your own voice" and feel easily frustrated with yourself others?
Do you rarely feel a sense of "calmness"?
Is your life filled with distractions so that you can avoid "feeling"?
The questions above are just some of the ways that trauma can effect you and your relationships.
It is important to note that Trauma Recovery can only begin to take place when you are no longer being traumatized. Please give yourself some quiet time to honestly and courageously reflect on your responses.
BOUNDARIES NOT WALLS (UNLESS YOU ARE IN DANGER AS THEN YOU NEED A WALL)
There is a great difference between setting boundaries and putting up walls. Yes you do need to begin to make wise choices so that you can start to feel "safe". You may never have been able to feel "safe" as a child due to childhood trauma where those who were to love and nurture you were actually harming and neglecting you. So now it is difficult for you to "trust" yourself as well as to trust others and this can contribute to familiar but "unsafe" choices in your life that have further reinjured you (see "4 Ways That Trauma Can Influence Your Attachment Style"). Boundaries(and wisdom and heart) are so essential for all of us to put in place as boundaries protect us from intrusion but especially important for survivors and yet often an uphill battle to put in place. Boundaries reflect that you are "valuable" and that you decide who comes close and when, and how close is "your choice" no one else. Walls on the hand allow "no one" to come close at all. Walls are a closed door .
STAYING IN THE PRESENT
That may be difficult for you to do but with some discipline this can become easier. As you stay in the present and notice your bodily sensations as well as your thoughts then you can begin to "give yourself the attention and time" that you need. Staying in the present will help your nervous system to stay more calm and as you notice your breathing patterns you can begin to change them so that you after you inhale you exhale for a longer breath and this will also help you to stay in the present(ie "inhale for the count of 4 and exhale for 8)
HOW THE NERVOUS SYSTEM HELPS US DEFEND OURSELVES
Fight-Fight Responses "Don't Just Sit There Do Something " The Sympathetic Nervous System floods the body with adrenaline to increase heart-rate and respiration that causes muscles to tense and energy to prepare us for action.
Freeze-Submit Responses: "Don't Move It Is Not Safe". The Parasympathetic Nervous System: when it is not safe to flee or fight or when " it is over" then other chemicals slow heart-rate and respiration leading to weakness, exhaustion, shaking, trembling, increased gastrointestinal activity leading to the response of Freeze-Submit.
These responses can continue to come up as the brain prepares a defense even when there is not a "threat" but a "perceived threat'. So you may see yourself responding "as if" there is a threat when you are being triggered. The wonderful thing here is that these responses no longer have to be part of your life as the neuroplasticity of the brain allows great transformation as you begin to have new experiences overtime that can reset your nervous system. Therapy is an opportunity for you to begin to “reset” and to reap benefits of living in a “calm” state where you can truly begin to “exhale”!.
THERAPY CAN BE SO BENEFICIAL TO YOUR RECOVERY
Being a trauma survivor does not have to be a life sentence...you can change, grow and heal!
When you decide that you no longer have to be a "victim" of your past then it is so important to seek the "right" therapist one who is an expert, and who deeply understands the effects of trauma and is committed as well as highly experienced, compassionate to guide and direct you through this amazing healing journey! If this is something that you know it is time for you to pursue then I would love to hear from you!
Click here for more information on bilingual Trauma Therapy.
Please contact me for a 20 minute free virtual consultation.