Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, you may feel extremely alone in your pain. Have you been depressed and anxious and at times feel impatient with yourself? Have you walked with this ‘secret” most of your life and sometimes question your own reality and memories? Are you experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as you are “triggered” and often feel overwhelmed? Are you starting to see that you need “healing “ and “care” in order not to continue to” avoid and neglect yourself”?
Childhood sexual abuse creates a deep wound in the soul. As a child you are vulnerable and dependent on adults that are supposed to be there to love and protect you but have failed you. Most childhood sexual abuse happens in families and the perpetrator is often someone you trusted and yet they were not worthy of your trust. And though there were many signs when you were being abused that “something was wrong” no one even noticed. Not being noticed caused even more confusion and pain about your own value as no one heard your “cry” but that “cry” is still inside although muffled over time.
What does it mean to “honor” yoursel.f? It does not mean to be self absorbed or critical
But to courageously get to know who you are and develop a deep respect and
compassion for yourself:as well as a “voice” rather than stuffing what really matters
to you. As a trauma survivor you have been “dishonored” and now is time to
take back what was stolen and begin the healing process!
There are so many benefits when we open our hearts to loving and caring for a pet. This is especially true if you are a trauma survivor and have been wounded by people you trusted..One of the deepest wounds for trauma survivors is that your capacity to trust has been ruptured and now it is difficult and painful to trust people and difficult to trust yourself.. Opening your heart and your home to a new “family member with 4 legs” can be a big part of the healing process! You rescue and you will be rescued!
Conflicts are part of every relationship. The problem is that you may have never experienced or learned how to resolve conflict in a “healthy connected” way. You may put up a wall of stone or your style maybe is to avoid and not address conflicts and are now noticing that the conflicts we do not address but avoid can run our lives.It is not too late to learn the 3 essential elements of resolving conflict! Know that places where you are not healed go with you in yuor relationships!
You may be noticing that you have developed a pattern of “avoiding” conflict and probably by now you are also noticing that the conflict that we avoid “runs” our lives. Depression is highly correlated to patterns of “avoidance” and these patterns when repeated can become extremely “rigid”. Rigidity or lack of flexibility also fuels depression.. You may have been raised in a family where you never saw or experienced how to resolve and address conflict and stay connected through the process with yourself and others.. In an attempt to survive in a chaotic family you began to shut down and avoid in an effort to protect yourself as you were not “safe” to be “you”.
Well you probably know by now that the way your parents raised you has effected who you are now and your parenting style also reflects this. The wonderful thing is no matter how wonderful or difficult your childhood was you can bring to the table your unique style as well as understanding what your child truly needs and wants from you in order for you to nurture with wisdom and heart. There are 3 essential elements of healthy parenting that will greatly bless both you and your child.
Shame fuels depression just like gasoline can fuel a fire. Depression is an ongoing battle in the mind,body and spirit that can feel overwhelming.You may feel like giving up at times as you struggle to find a light in the darkness and everything becomes such an effort in your daily life. The lyng voice of the demon of the spirit shame tells you that “you are not good enough” and that “everything is your fault” and that you have not made mistakes but that “you are a mistake”. It is difficult to have energy for life when you are struggling with this battle. and this very likely began in your childhood and now it is time for you to address the effects of your wounds so you can begin to heal as depression and shame do not have to be a life sentence You can come out of the prison you have been living in
A trauma trigger is anything that consciously or unconsciously brings back the memory of your trauma. It is a trauma reminder. When we go through having experienced trauma it takes time and attention to process how we are feeling and how what happened to us has affected us.. When we are overloaded with traumatic stress we go into the fright/flight or freeze response which is our bodies way of protecting us. However, if you do not receive the support and help,attention that is needed then these responses can get stuck in these trauma responses which will block your healing .Trauma triggers are a wake up call to show you where you are wounded and where you need healing. Therapy can greatly help you to focus on what is needed for that wounded place to heal as in therapy you can become more aware of your unconscious “ trauma triggers” as well as your conscious “trauma triggers” and see your blind spots more clearly as you gain deeper understanding...
Relationships can be complicated as every place that we are not healed goes with us into our relationships. So basically, all relationships can be triggers. Relationships can provide fertile ground to help you to become more self-aware. As a result of this process, you can learn to identify where you have been wounded and have not healed. Healthy relationships provide the soil to plant seeds of healing and unhealthy ones plant seeds that “reinjure’. Our unconscious can be like a radar which attracts to what is “familiar” however if you came from a family that was dysfunctional then what is familiar can be unhealthy and toxic and yet you may struggle to be able to see and acknowledge this.
