You may be struggling with a history of unhealed trauma: physical, emotional, (abuse,neglect,abandonment)l) and the deep wounding that it can cause. As an effect of your trauma, you may have difficulty accessing who is a safe” person for you to be in relationship with. So important to know that this familiar pattern does not have to be a life sentence” . There is help and there is hope for you. These chains of bondage can be broken. You may be dealing with depression and anxiety and your relationships are reflecting how you are feeling about yourself. And what you had hoped could be a healthy loving relationship that would be healing has not turned out that way and is actually “reinjuring” you. See “4 Ways That Trauma Can Effect Your Relationships”
THE FOUNDATION OF ‘TRUST” IS MISSING
Just as when you build a house: the house needs to have a firm steady well built foundation. If the house does not have the proper foundation then it will not be able to stand when there are storms, storms of rain, wind, snow. The foundation enables the house to stand “through it all”. It is the same with a relationship. In a healthy relationship “trust” is the foundation that has been built so that when the storms of life try to take it down(and there will be many as life is hard) the relationship can strongly stand as : “trust" upholds it and keeps it safe. Trust can only be developed in a relationship over time and is a process that takes time and effort as you discern: is this someone I can truly “trust’ based on what I “know” to be true .. it s important that you “guard your heart” and not just let anyone come in based on your feelings but on what you “know to be TRUE” See 5 Keys To Having Healthy Relationships” . Sexual attraction, financial success, good looks, charismatic personality, talent, will not hold up your house as you go through the storms of life but the foundation of TRUST based on integrity ,honesty, vulnerability, compassion, boundaries, self-awareness, accountability and a “prayer life” can help to keep you bonded in love.
LACK OF COMPASSION\HARDENED HEART
Compassion is not just being in a relationship and caring how someone else feels but doing whatever you can to help in their healing, So when we are compassionate then we can be a true friend not a “counterfeit” not a “enabler” not a “people pleaser” and not just when everything is going well for us but when we may also be going through a crisis but our heart can stay open to caring about the other who is going through.. Compassion can emulate from the words you speak(“out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”) as well as the timing and tone of your words, as well as your facial expression and body language.. Sometimes there is nothing you can say but a loving touch may be needed. In relationships compassion is an essential element of how we can care about and love each other and yet still maintain healthy boundaries at the same time. Speaking the “truth in love” can make so much difference. When this element of compassion is missing in your relationship then it is a wake up call you need to notice. Often where lack of compassion is seen in relationships it goes hand and hand with shaming and blaming as well as lack of accountability. See “Signs You Have built A Wall Around Youe Heart”
THE “RIGHT THERAPIST CAN REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
If what I am saying resonates with you and you are struggling in relationships I would love to help you to have relationships where there is compassion and trust so that you can heal on a deep level. it is time to give yourself the attention you so need so you can move forward with compassion not just for others but for yourself as well. Looking forward to your call