When we were babies at that time we did not have the words to express ourselves. It was the role our parents/caregivers to “interpret” our cries and our movements and facial expression and what were feeling and what we were needing. But as an adult, you may still struggle with putting your thoughts and feelings into words and you may find yourself feeling “frustrated and angry”. You may have been raised in a family where communication on an emotional level was missing and as a child, you became disconnected/emotionally shutdown from yourself and your family members. This is an effect of not getting the nurturance and attention you needed in order to develop and be able to move forward and address rather than avoid or escalate when faced with conflict in relationships.. Important to understand this and not blame or condemn yourself as we are all a work in process and you can still move forward and heal! The following are what I have found to be the:” 3 Essential Elements For Resolving Conflicts”
1..SELF AWARENESS NOT SELF ABSORPTION
So essential for you to know your issues and your triggers so that you are clear about what belongs to you and what goes with the “other”. Self-awareness will help you to set your boundaries as well as stay connected even during difficult conversations where a lot of painful emotions may come up.
The difference between self awareness and self aborption is that with self awareness you can still see the other person and it is not all about “me,me me” as it would be when you are self absorbed. Self aborsption or narcissism lacks the capacity to feel and empathize and connect with others. When you are self absorbed all you see is yourself and it is greatly disconnecting as your heart is closed to anyone elses reality
2. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MIND:YOU MUST USE WORDS AND SPEAK
Learning to communicate is essential in all healthy relationships. I understand how much of a struggle it can be to put your feelings and thoughts into words but unless you begin to learn how to do this your connection with yourself and those close to you will be one of disconnection. You can begin to articulate your thoughts and feelings when you feel safe enough to do so and therapy with the “right” therapist can help you to have your own voice as well as your emotional and spiritual reality
3.STAYING CALM AND ASSERTIVE
Staying calm when feeling frustrated is essential. Your tone of voice matters as it reflects caring or can reflect impatience and disrespect for another who is also struggling. It is important for you to be able to speak and have your voice but developing the capacity to tolerate frustration and yet stay calm and assertive is an area where therapy can greatly help.
THERAPY WILL THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN MAKE A GREAT DIFFERENCE
Learning how to resolve conflict in relationships cannot come before you take look inside at the conflicts and wounds that you have been avoiding. Healing can only take place when we are ready and willing to stretch past our comfort zones to change and grow. I would be honored to walk along this amazing journey with you. If what I am saying resonates with you please give me a call!
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