As a child you were completely dependent and vulnerable:”like a little hostage”. If your parents were emotionally unavailable and not equipped to nurture and protect you by providing safety for you then a deep wounding occurs in your soul. If your family was one where your emotions were ignored, criticized, shamed, then you got the message at an early age that it is not safe to be “you” and in order to “survive” became disconnected from yourself. To be intimate with another it is essential to be self aware, vulnerable, and accountable.

Have you been denying and avoiding the pain inside?

Do you constantly need validation and praise but even when you get it you feel it is not enough?Do you struggle with identifying your feelings and have difficulties verbalizing your wants and needs in a direct way? Do you often feel that you are “not good enough” Are you overly concerned about the needs of others and fear rejection and abandonment?

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Do you shame and blame yourself when you begin to have angry feelings?

Are you “exceedingly” grateful for every “crumb” given in your relationships?

Are you noticing that your life is out of balance and you are becoming more emotionally and spiritually shutdown and disconnected from yourself and others?

Is it is getting more and more difficult for you to set boundaries and limits on time you are

working? Is it difficult for you when it is time to leave work to know that it is time?

Do you constantly ruminate about work and strive for perfection?

Are you exhausted and yet you do not know how to rest?

Are you starting to see that your addiction to work is related to your history of trauma?

Have you stuffed and minimized what happened to you in an attempt to cope?

Are you wanting to move forward but feeling unable to move and “stuck”?

Are you in a battle in your mind constantly and filled with shame and guilt?

Are you feeling depressed and anxious most of the time but try to hide it?

Has the wounding to your self esteem colored how you feel about yourself?

Is it difficult and sometimes feeling impossible for you to “feel safe” and “to trust’?

Are you becoming more aware “of how you avoid you” and that it is difficult for you to connect with yourself and others and how your addiction(s) fuels this “stuck” place? How does the disconnection with yourself effect your life now? Do you have many distractions that enable you to “numb out” and remain disconnected from the “war” within? Do you avoid conflict by “any means necessary” rather than address what needs to be confronted? Are you struggling with depression and anxiety and have times of feeling “hopeless” that you can ever be truly healed from all the pain/shame inside? Do you have an overwhelming fear of rejection and abandonment that colors all of your relationships?

Are you starting to see and no longer deny and avoid the effects of your unhealed wounds in your relationship with yourself and those close to you? Have you been experiencing pain in your body as your memories and emotions are more difficult now for you to stuff and avoid your pain? Are you feeling overwhelmed and “stuck” by your woundedness and having difficulty moving forward? Are you starting to understand how essential it is for you to address your pain and no longer neglect yourself so that you can begin to heal?

Are you continually finding yourself struggling with trust issues? Do you find it difficult to know who you can trust and who is not trustworthy? Do you often make choices of letting people in that hurt you and cause you to doubt yourself rather then having healthy relationships with people that support you and encourage as well as challenge you to grow? Do you struggle with trusting yourself and your own impressions and perceptions? Do you expect to be rejected and betrayed rather than honored and loved?