If you grew up in a family where your emotional needs were not acknowledged and your cries (audible or inaudible) were not heard then you very likely began to feel alone and “unworthy”. and shamed and blamed yourself and your cries became “muffled”.. Since your cries went unheard you then began to stuff your cry and “shut down” your emotions. Now you may be struggling to have authentic connected relationships but the wounded “little girl” or “little boy” part of you is also struggling to feel “safe and “confident” as you have been “disconnected” from you. See “How Trauma Effects Attachment Style”
.Your parents may have been busy working and completely unconscious of what they needed to give to you emotionally and spiritually (or physically there but emotionally and spiritually unavailable and disconnected) and thought that money, food, and home were all that was needed for them to provide and for you to thrive.. That belief may very well have become normalized in your family, and you began to believe that “I I was raised in a good family” (yet you may often feel like an outsider, an “obligation” or a visitor who does not belong) and yet you now are starting to be aware how wounded you are and that you were injured emotionally by having been emotionally neglected. Yes, you paid a price for your “muffled cries". But you did what you needed to do in order to survive. See: ” How To Identify Effects Of Trauma”
Emotional neglect is often more covert than sexual abuse or physical abuse but no less lethal or traumatic for a child. The reality is that children that are emotionally neglected are often the prime target for perpetrators. The message the emotionally neglected child receives is that “you are unnoticed and invisible” “your feelings and emotional needs are to be ignored rather than validated and nurtured” “your voice does not matter so don’t speak” “you are a human doing rather than human being” “trust and connection is not valued or offered here but” superficial chatter” and “people pleasing” will get you through”.
TIME TO LEARN HOW TO REPARENT AND NURTURE ‘YOU’
A loving parent hears the audible and inaudible cry of their child. You may have been “shutdown” so long that you feel ‘frozen” or maybe you can tear up easily but feel out of touch with what triggered your tears. You may have developed over time a pattern of looking “outside” and “externalizing” as there was a part of you that hoped and believed your inner pain and woundedness could be relieved by externals(making alot of money, career success,relationships ,status, your appearance) But a good parent helps their child to feel and identify and verbalize what is going on “inside” Your lack of compassion for “the little boy” or “little girl” part of you that was not given the emotional and spiritual nurturance, validation and time you needed so desperately, and shame and blame reject that “vulnerable human, needy” part of you. As you notice and allow yourself to feel your feelings as well as learn to regulate your emotions; becoming more self aware: you can then begin to give your inner child compassion, tenderness and kindness rather than shame and blame so healing can start. We live from the “inside out” not the “outside in”! See: “Learning How to Reparent Yourself”
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE
Ir is important and essential to have the “right” therapist. I am not the “right” fit for everyone but for those that I am the “right’ fit for: I have seen many healed and changed lives! If you have been wounded and traumatized by childhood neglect and are ready to go ‘deeper” in your relationship with yourself and others, then i would be honored to guide you on this amazing journey! Give me a call when you are ready to begin!