To have a healthy relationship it is essential to have empathy. If you were raised in a family where your feelings were neglected or criticized, or shamed then it becomes difficult to have empathy for others.. To keep our hearts open it is necessary to have self-compassion. As without self-compassion as a foundation for empathy, there is a disconnection from self and others. Lack of empathy in relationships is the fuel for disconnection. To truly “show up” it is important to be able to see and hear past the words and behavior but with a capacity to feel and understand what the other is experiencing.
HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM ENMESHMENT
Enmeshed relationships are relationships that are overly close and lack boundaries and fueled by manipulation and control.:one person is there to satisfy the needs of the other and the other person’s needs are completely ignored .... The relationship is also fueled by inappropriate guilt and forced obligataion. Helicopter parenting often is the precursor of enmeshment and is directly correlated with anxiety and depression in chiildren and as they grow into adulthood.Helicopter parents who overly supervise and are mainly concerned about behavior and not the emotional needs of their child. often are planting the seeds of enmeshment to harvest.. Enmeshed relationships during childhood do not allow for healthy developmental progress to take place and children are set up for developmental trauma as an effect .Often this dysfunctional pattern which started in childhood is repeated in adult relationships as it is familiar and what is familiar is what the brain repeats until we lern new and healthier ways to relate to ourselves and others.
HOW TRAUMA IS THE ROOT OF WORK ADDICTION
Has work addiction become your drug of choice? It is an addiction that is nurtured by the culture and often celebrated as a “part of success”. However, the truth is that work addiction like any other addiction is fueled and rooted in unresolved trauma. and is progressive and terminal when not addressed. You may have not noticed the toxic effects of work addiction until the effects begin to control your life and mind,spirit, body. Like any drug addict when you are taking the drug you feel good but then over time you need more and more to get that same feeling and the consequences become more and more clear.Work addiction effects every area of your life and relationships require for you to show up and truly be present. This has been one of the greatest challenges for so many of my “highly successful” work-addicted clients and has motivated them to seek therapy .
SIGNS YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOURSELF
One of the most essential areas for you to not neglect yourself in: is giving attention to your emotional and mental health….in other words giving attention to your unhealed trauma wounds. You may not even be fully conscious that you have developed a pattern of “neglecting yourself” as you very likely are taking care of the “outside” and yet neglecting what is going on inside of you. We live from the inside out so when you neglect your inner world there are many consequences both inside and out..Our mind and our bodies work together and there are physical symptoms when emotions and memories get stuck in our bodies. The wonderful thing is that you can now choose to walk through an open door so you can heal and no longer avoid and move forward!
KEYS TO RAISE A SECURELY ATTACHED CHILD
You have probably noticed by now that every place where you are not healed shows up in your relationships. So every place where you are wounded can become even more“up front and personal” when you become a parent. There are no perfect parents or perfect children but even if you were not securely attached and have issues related to that: you can still learn how to raise your child to be securely attached. During this process, there can be a parallel process of healing that takes place for you as well! So hold on and be encouraged as help is on the way so you can give a life-affirming relationship foundation to your child and both of you will be blessed!
KEYS TO STOP ALLOWING FEAR TO BE YOUR PROPHET
Healing can only take place when we are calm. Fearful thoughts block the healing process and nurture feelings of anxiety as you most likely can notice by now.. It is like eating toxic food that cannot nourish you in any way but actually hurts you and makes you feel sick.. What you think and what you say make a great difference to your overall mental health and state of mind. So what are you feasting these on days is my question to you: is it gloom and doom, toxic relationships, catastrophizing, making mountains out of molehills, bad news reports online and on TV? Are you murmuring and complaining and wondering why you feel so alone and disconnected from yourself and others? Help and hope are on the way so do not give up!
HOW TO HEAL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
HOW TO STOP BEING A DOORMAT
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
HOW TO GO FROM VICTIM TO VICTORY
As a survivor of trauma, it is so important to know though you were
victimized but that “victimhood” is not your identity. The enemy of your
soul would like you to believe that lie from the pit however you no
longer have to live as a “hostage of your past”. In other words: you can be
set free to heal and thrive not just survive.
HOW TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
Before we can speak the truth in love to another we must first master being able to speak the truth in love to ourselves. And yes that means for us to be accountable rather than explain or excuse our part. and to develop the self-awareness that will make this possible.. The words we speak and how we speak to ourselves and others are seeds and to have a healthy harvest we must plant healthy loving truthful seeds.