In order for your healing to begin it is important to see and gain an understanding of the effects of your unaddressed trauma wounds. See: Signs You Do Not Value “You” I am pretty sure that you are now beginning to see how unhealed trauma is affecting your relationships. Your attachment style has also been developed and affected by your trauma wounds, The “little child” part of you has been given many nonverbal as well as verbal messages that your emotions and your thoughts will not be celebrated or even tolerated and you have believed the lie that shame has told you:” that you are a mistake rather than you made a mistake” Avoiding pain is the root of all addiction. In other words, trauma is the root of all addiction. It is essential for you to be able to process what has happened to you rather than continue to neglect your inner self. The following are signs that you are neglecting yourself:
NOT LISTENING TO THE INNER CRY THAT YOU NEED “HELP” TO HEAL
You may have never had anyone in your life as a child or as an adult who actually heard and addressed your “inner cry” and so over time, you learned to stuff, deny, avoid and ignore your emotions and feelings, and most of all your pain.. So many of my clients were traumatized as young children by parents who had no idea how to love and nurture and did a great deal of harm: as the parents are often unhealed trauma survivors. Now it is time for you to heal and find a therapist who is an expert in trauma and who will provide that “safe” place where you can begin to trust and begin to be able to be authentically who you were created to be. See: “How To Stop Avoiding Your Pain”
EXPECTING OTHERS TO READ YOUR MIND RATHER THAN USING YOUR VOICE
As a trauma survivor you never learned how to communicate effectively and be calm and assertive(even when frustrated and stressed) and to speak and use your voice. When you did speak or show any strong emotion as a child no one really heard or listened: you were shut down either physically or emotionally or both. A child learns to speak and communicate by caregivers providing a “safe and secure” nurturing caring relationship and communication…..helping the child to put their thoughts and feelings into words. The tone and body language of the caregiver make a great difference to the child who is completely dependent and vulnerable…truly we are “little hostages” as children. If you were abused and frightened during this critical time of development and have never felt “safe:” then it becomes very difficult as an adult survivor to communicate with others in a connected way. So many of my patients (though educated and successful in the world) began for the first time to be able to put their thoughts and feelings into words. As a result, they are no longer feeling continually “frustrated” with themselves and their relationships.
See: ”Red Flags Of A Unhealthy Relationship”
NOTICE HOW YOU ARE OVERFUNCTIONING
Overfunctioning is a prescription for disconnecting with yourself, burnout, anger, and most of all: neglecting “you”. When you “overfunction” then the other in the relationship will “underfunction” For trauma survivors “overfunctioning” is an effect of trauma and frequently a codependent relationship pattern. Learning how to set limits and boundaries will be a big part of your healing process. The root of over-functioning is “shame” and “shame” is an equal opportunity employer regardless of all that you have accomplished and “shame” is a prison that you can escape from as healing takes place from the inside out. Overfunctioning fuels anger, fear, and depression and blocks an authentic connection. See: “Stop Being A Doormat”
THE “RIGHT” NYC TRAUMA THERAPIST CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE
So important to know not every therapist is the “right” one for you. The “right” fit will make all the difference as well as you being “ready” to walk through this healing journey as you will be giving an amazing gift to yourself. Yes, you were traumatized as a child and there are effects but those effects can be healed, and do not have to run your life from the inside out! If what I am saying resonates with you then I would love to guide and direct you on this life-transforming journey. Please give me a call so we can begin!