1. Fear of Being Alone
Relationship addiction is fueled by the fear of "being alone" and yet if you don't want to spend time with yourself it is so important to understand your underlying woundedness .This pattern of avoiding what is going on inside is reflected by finding many distractions. These distractions can hinder your vision and potential to grow and develop. If you are consistently involved in or looking for a relationship for validation and so much of your identity and self esteem is wrapped up in this then the question I have for you is "what is so terrible for you about spending time with you?" and yet you would like someone else to want to spend time with you. You may be attempting to avoid the truth of how badly you are feeling about yourself and desperately wanting and believing that a relationship is the "answer". You may have had a childhood history of trauma including abuse, neglect and abandonment which is a set up for addiction as well as an intense fear (often un conscious)of being alone. You may have noticed by now that there is nothing more lonely than being in a relationship where there is no true emotional/spiritual connection but where power struggles and lack of peace dominate. .
2. Repeating The Past Rather than Gaining Understanding
When you are in a relationship every place you are not healed will be revealed but you have to want to see this and notice what issues keep coming up. For relationship addicts there is often a pattern of changing partners but no change inside. In other words"the same game but another ball park". Important to take time to see that you are the common denominator in your relationships and your level of intensity and choices will reflect how you are feeling about yourself.
3. Self Loathing and Emptiness
The example I often like to give is that of a beautiful new house that you want to buy but there are termites in it: so clearly the termites need to be removed as they are destroying the house . The house may be beautiful outside but termites are destroying it inside. It is essential to get the "termites"out of your life so that your inner life is no longer polluted.. The belief that another person can fill your emptiness is a lie you have believed for too long...a termite that needs to be removed. Time for you to give yourself the attention so that your "issues" can start to be addressed and then will no longer have the power to run your life.
If you entering into a relationship and you are bringing in unresolved issues such as: "the termite of self loathing" this will effect the quality of your communication as well as block a true and healthy connection. Nothing new can be built while "termites" are in the house.
Detoxing from Relationship Addiction
Therapy can be extremely helpful in the detox process as with the right therapist you can begin to look inside and to heal the deep hurts you have been attempting to heal with relationships so that you can truly "show up"whether in a relationship or not and be real and authentic as well as knowing your unique value .You will learn to make wise choices no longer based on your neediness but fullness. Have accompanied many on this journey of healing and seen so many that are no longer relationship addicts...would love to hear from you and walk with you as well!
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Video and Phone therapy available during this time. Please contact me for a 20 minute free Phone Consultation.