BONDAGE IS A COUNTERFEIT AND NOT LOVE
When I am talking about being “ensnared” in a “Trauma Bond” this can be true not only in romantic relationships but also in friendships or relationships with family members. If you received the messages as a child that “you do not exist and your needs do not matter” then relationships were not a safe place for you to be. You were taught that being abused emotionally/physically/spiritually is the price you have to pay to have any crumb of attention or care given to you then you were set up to accept what is not acceptable and the bar was “really low”. As children, we developed attachment styles that were dependent on how our parents nurtured us emotionally/physically/spiritually and when we were not able to develop a “secure attachment” due to their limitations and often psychopathology then there are consequences that manifest as “ traumatic wounds” that need healing before we can make “safe” and healthy” relationship choices or you end up “with the same game and another ballpark”. As children we are often like “little hostages” and our little hearts are broken. We are so vulnerable and just want to b loved as we are totally dependent on our caregivers and that is when “ bondage” often gets normalized as love but it is not love but a counterfeit. You can be healed and set free but healing is a process: and during that process, you can learn to be patient and loving to yourself:as that is an essential part of your healing journey.
RECOVERY BEGINS INSIDE OF YOU
BOUNDARIES
If for most of your life, you became accustomed to being “intruded upon” and not “honored” then one of the first steps in your recovery from a “Trauma Bond” is beginning to set boundaries. “Boundaries are here to protect you and keep you “safe”.I know this can be challenging for you to enforce but over time those muscles will get stronger and you will be able to understand how important it is for you to define your own space emotionally and physically and spiritually. It is your decision how close or far anyone is to you: it is not the other person’s decision. Think of it in this way: you are a precious piece of property and there is a gate surrounding you and you decide who you let in and how far and for how long.. Healthy relationships are built on boundaries where each person in the relationship respects the other’s
boundaries and where there is “order” and not “chaos”. and a “safe place” for you to be you!
NO MORE MAKING PEACE WITH POWERLESSNESS
You have power although you feel like you do not and that fuels your “stuckness” but little by little you can move forward at your own pace and learn to use “your own voice”. There is no other way out of powerlessness but to notice how you have abdicated and complied with a “familiar” pattern that feeds you hurting you rather than freeing you up Now you can start to give yourself the attention you so need as you get to know you on a deeper level.
DETOX AND RECOVERY GO TOGETHER
.Trauma Bond is an addiction and it effects the centers of the brain as any addiction does. If you do not feed an addiction and you detox the craving becomes less and less. As you become more knowledgeable as to what caused this “Trauma Bond” and its patterns in your early childhood history and how these self-destructive patterns have affected your life you can start to truly exhale. An essential part of your recovery is to seek therapy and become more self-aware and “assertive”. and for the wounds of the past no longer run your life.
THERAPY WITH THE “RIGHT NYC TRAUMA THERAPIST”” CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE
Choosing to seek therapy so you can give yourself the attention you so desperately need for healing to take place is evidence of wisdom and heart, I would love to walk along this healing journey with you as have seen so many of my clients be set free from “Trauma Bonding” and go forward as they flourish and this can be you too!! Give me a call so we can start this amazing journey together!