Through the years I have worked with many courageous women and men who have been molested as children. Lately, many more men are “breaking the silence” about what happened to them and seeking therapy as well.
You are very likely dealing with depression and anxiety and low esteem as well as a history of addiction to food, relationships, porn, drugs, and alcohol. You may be flooded with memories at times about what happened to you as a child and yet at the same time question your reality and “stuff” and “deny” your thoughts and feelings rather than give yourself the attention you so need. You were not given that attention as a child but it is not too late to give yourself the attention you need to begin to heal the parts of you that have been broken. Yes, it will take courage to the effects of what happened to you but will be so worth it as you come “alive” and the “grave clothes are removed”!
INTERNALIZED SHAME AND BLAME
As a child, you were a “little hostage” with nowhere to run to and no escape.So what happened was in order to survive in a dysfunctional chaotic family you “stuffed and denied” your emotions. This was not a conscious choice but a way to survive. However, your anger and feelings of helplessness( you had no voice} and fear could not be processed so all the negative feelings were internalized in your mind and held in your body. You began to believe and feel that “you are bad”(internalized shame) and that “you were to blame” The Truth is “ you are not bad but something bad happened to you” You were never the problem!
See: ”How To Break The Shame/Depression Cycle”
2. DIFFICULTIES TRUSTING YOURSELF
Trauma can leave a significant imprint on our bodies, often manifesting in ways we may not immediately recognize. When we experience trauma, whether it's a single event or ongoing stress, our bodies can react by storing these experiences in our muscles, tissues, and nervous systems. This is sometimes referred to as "somatic memory."
When a person goes through trauma, the body's natural responses, like fight, flight, or freeze, can become stuck. This can lead to physical symptoms such as tension, chronic pain, fatigue, or even anxiety and depression. These responses are not just mental but are deeply intertwined with our physical being. It's as if our bodies are holding on to the trauma, making it challenging to fully engage with life.
Healing from trauma is vital for numerous reasons, but perhaps one of the most important is the restoration of a sense of safety within our own bodies. When trauma is unresolved, it can create feelings of disconnection and unease. People might experience hyper-vigilance, irrational fears, or difficulty trusting themselves and others. This persistent state of alertness keeps us in a cycle of stress, making it hard to relax or feel truly safe.
By addressing trauma through various healing processes—such as therapy, somatic experiencing, mindfulness practices, or other holistic approaches—we can begin to release the held tension and emotions stored in our bodies. Healing allows us to reclaim our bodies as safe spaces, fostering a sense of empowerment and control over our physical and emotional lives.
Prioritizing your healing journey is not just about alleviating pain; it's about inviting a renewed sense of connection and vitality. When we work through our trauma, we pave the way for a more integrated self—a self that is anchored in the present and capable of feeling secure. When we feel safe in our bodies, we open ourselves up to deeper relationships, a richer life experience, and the ability to pursue our goals with confidence.Since your “internalized shame” fuels you feeling badly about yourself then it has become an uphill battle for you to” trust” yourself. It is so important that you take time to get to know what you are feeling and who you are not based on your traumatic history but based on the truth of who you really are “inside” As you begin to give yourself attention and compassion it will help you to take the step to seek the help you need to heal. Difficult to have healthy alive relationships when you do not trust yourself.
See: ”How Trauma Effects Attachment Style”
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIO NOT FEEL SAFE IN YOUR BODY
As a trauma survivor, not feeling safe in your body can create a constant sense of unease that affects every aspect of life. This disconnection can manifest in various ways, such as heightened anxiety, physical tension, or even numbness. You might find yourself avoiding situations that trigger memories of past trauma, which can limit your experiences and relationships.
Over time, this lack of safety can lead to a distorted sense of self, impacting your confidence and well-being. Regaining a sense of safety in your body is a crucial step towards healing, as it allows you to reconnect with your feelings and embrace a fuller and more authentic life. Nurturing this reconnection process can open the door to greater resilience and emotional freedom.
Your body is your boundary as well as your temple for your spirit and your container for emotions and sensations, and memories. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse so important to learn how to reclaim your body and to feel” safe” in your body.
See: ” Feeling Safe In Your Body”
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE
Giving yourself the attention you never received will be so healing and restorative..Being able to feel “safe” within your body, your mind and your spirit is what will happen when you are in therapy with the ‘right’ therapist so that deep healing can begin! Would be honored to guide you and walk with you on this amazing journey! Give me a call so we can begin!