LEARNING TO “GUARD YOUR HEART” FROM INTRUDERS

When we grow up in families where our boundaries are not honored or respected as there is no understanding of how boundaries are essential(for mental health and healthy relationships) but where family members overstep their role and invade our “inner space” then this can fuel a setup for traumatic bonding as we were trained to make peace with toxic family dynamics and these unhealthy ways of relating have had effects on how you will relate to others in the future. It has become familiar for you to not be protected by boundaries and familiar for you to not know it is important and essential for you to learn to “guard your heart”. When the codependent enmeshment soup is being symbolically served then it is time for you to “not eat it” as it is poison and toxic and what you let into your “precious heart” matters. ”See Ways To Stop Making Peace With Powerlessness”

YOUR VALUES AND YOUR IDENTITY MATTER NOT “THEIR APPROVAL”

Your relationships need to have boundaries in order to be healthy . If you are not acting on your values because you fear rejection and disapproval then your relationships will lack true connection as there will be a great deal of confusion and underlying anger and reactivity as to where you are and where the other person begins.. Boundaries are there to help us establish an order(as roles are clear) and to protect you from being intruded upon. When you have a healthy identity then it matters not how others view you as your identity and self esteem is stable and not based on their emotions or reactions See “Ways To Recognize That You Do Not Value Yourself”. In enmeshed rrelationships there is a great deal of empathy with a lack of boundaries.

TIME FOR YOU TO BE WITH “YOU” ESSENTIAL FOR YOUR HEALING

You may very well have difficulty slowing down your thoughts and feelings and making time for you to have times of “solitude” which is very different than loneliness. It is essential for you to make times for you and be “alone” in order to have clarity, balance and self awareness. That does not mean to cut off relationships but to start to understand we all need to have times of “solitude” built into our life styles so we can be refreshed and where we can be quiet. This can be a wonderful opportunity to pray, journal or take a walk in the park, snuggle with your dog or cats, or just to choose what is soothing and nurturing for you. Healing can start to take place as new patterns of thinking and feeling can now develop as you get to know yourself more deeply and courageously. . In enmeshed relationships the focus is on fixing the other now you can start to make a healthy shift as you understand you cannot ‘fix” anyone else or be responsible for the others life…You are responsible for your own life and in healthy relationships each person understands that as a foundation for true connection and each one is accountable for themselves. Yes be truly loving and caring by being differentiated so each of you are able to be who you are without being blended into one another

THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN MAKE SO MUCH DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE

Breaking the patterns of “unhealthy relationships” is so life changing and life giving. I would love to walk with you and guide you on this journey and see you come “alive” and be “who you were meant to be” If what I am saying resonates with you please give me a call and begin the process of “being set free to be yourself”!