When a baby is born and raised in an environment where the baby is nurtured and cared for emotionally and physically by a mother who is able to give and understand the babies needs the baby develops an expectation of being cared for and internalizes the relationship with the mother/caregiver and experiences that life giving bond as a part of him/herself. Through this bond the baby forms a secure attachment and learns as he/she grows how to regulate emotion. You learn to regulate emotions by interpersonal relationships. Unfortunately so many babies grow up to be children where their needs for nurturance with a stable loving caregiver were never part of their childhood experience and rather than having an expectation of being loved and lovable you were traumatized and may believe you are unlovable and that your needs will not be met. Since the deep wounding in your soul has been ignored and avoided : you may be becoming more aware now of the consequences of not addressing your pain and how hopeless or conflicted you may feel about having relationships that are healthy. stable and loving as this has never been your experience.

You may have adopted an attachment style of avoidance due to your childhood history and are having great difficulty connecting with others in a meaningful way although there is a part of you that longs for that and with the avoidant attachment style there is also clearly an avoidance of your emotional needs and feelings. You may be rigid and avoidant and this can also cause depression.

You may have developed an attachment style that is anxious and have difficulties regulating your anxiety and are easily triggered by circumstances and others who you perceive as anxious. If you have had a disorganized caregiver you may have adopted an attachment style where your emotions and thoughts are all over the place when in relationship or developed an ambivalent attachment style where you present yourself as having no needs but then feel victimized and angry when people don't give to you.

So important to understand that our interpersonal relationships are where we learn to regulate our emotions. When we experience trauma our brains go into freeze or fight or flight mode and if not acknowledged and given the care you need to heal then you may get stuck in this place, Having more awareness of yourself and your attachment style can be extremely beneficial.

Please understand no matter what your traumatic attachment history has been that there is hope.You can become fully alive and connected in healthy healing relationships but it will take giving yourself time and attention. Therapy from the right therapist can be life changing as walls and chains are broken and breakthroughs begin!Please give me a call so you can begin healing from the inside out!

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